She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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