she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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