he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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