I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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