we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
