I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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