Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
