It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
it's like iHOP with fire
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
