On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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