some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
