so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
