if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
