I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
