i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize