It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
