Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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