dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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