question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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