I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
