I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
