So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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