I will die if light touches me.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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