i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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