Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
