Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize