I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize