Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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