the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
