where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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