Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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