She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
