Your dad touched me again.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
