omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize