Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
