Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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