he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just invented taco cereal.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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