babies were throwing up all over the place
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
