He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
