Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
