I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
