Kareoke will never be a sober sport
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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