Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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