We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
