Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
