You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
