im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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