My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize