I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
