You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
