How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize