Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
