good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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