I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
