I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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