I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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