That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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