I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize