my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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