I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
