So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
