Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
