remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
