Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
