So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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