GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
