it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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