i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
