i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
