You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
