While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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